-------This guy is sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink.

He stays like that for half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making bully steps
next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying. The bully says: "Come on man, I was just joking.
Tell ya what; I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man
crying."

"No, it's not that. Today day is the worst of my life. First, I
overslept and was late to an important meeting. My boss was outraged and fired
me. When I left the building to go to my car, I found out it was stolen. The
police said they could do nothing. I got a cab to return home, paid the cab
driver, and the cab drove off. It was then I found that I left my wallet in the
cab. I finally got home only to find my wife was in bed with another man. I left
home and came to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my
life, you show up...... and drink my poison..."

------There was a beer party going on in the woods when all of a sudden there was a
downpour of rain. These two young guys ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring
rain, finally reaching their car just as the rain let up. They jumped in the
car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing and, of course, still
drinking one beer after the other.

All of a sudden an old man's face appeared on the passenger side and tapped
lightly on the window. The passenger screamed out, "eeeeekkk! Look at my
window!!! There's an
old guy's face there!" (Was this a ghost?!?!?!?)"

This old man kept knocking, so the driver said, "Well open the window a little
and ask him what he wants!"

So the passenger rolled his window down part way and said, scared out of his
wits, "What do you want???"

The old man softly replied, "You got any tobacco?"

The passenger, terrified, looked at the driver and said, "He wants tobacco!"

"Well offer him a cigarette! HURRY!!" the driver replies.

So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette and
yells, "Step on it!!!" rolling up the window in terror.

Now going about 80 miles an hour, they calm down and they start laughing
again, and the passenger says, "Dude! what do
you think of that?"

The driver says, "Man, I don't know? How could that be? I'm going pretty
fast?"

Then all of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock on the window and there is
the old man again. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaauggggg, there he is again!” the passenger
yells."

"Well see what he wants now!" yells back the driver.

He rolls down the window a little ways and shakily says "Yes?"

"Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asks.

The passenger throws a lighter out the window at him and rolls up the window
then yells, "STEP ON IT!"

They are now going about 100 miles an hour and still guzzling beer, trying to
forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden, again there is
MORE knocking!

"Oh my God! HE'S BACK!" He rolls down the window and screams out, "WHAT DO YOU
WANT?" in stark fear.

The old man gently replies, "You want some help getting out of this mud?"


-------A drunken guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks
her over.

He says, "You don't feel so tough now, do you,Batman!?" \

------- A man decided to leave work early and go drinking. He stayed at the bar until
it closed and by then, he was very drunk. When he got home, he didn't want to
wake up his wife, so he removed his shoes and started to tiptoe up the stairs.

Halfway up the stairs, he fell backwards and landed flat on his butt. That
wouldn't have been so bad, but he had a couple of empty bottles in his back
pocket which broke and carved up his buttocks pretty badly. He was so drunk
though, that he didn't even realize he was hurt.

He made it up the stairs and into the bathroom, where he began to undress.
Suddenly noticing some blood, he checked himself out in the mirror. Sure enough,
he saw that his behind was cut up something awful. He repaired the damage as
best he could, under the circumstances, and went to bed.

When he woke up in the morning, his head was hurting, his backside was
hurting, and he was cowering under the covers, trying to think up a good story.


Just then, his wife entered the room and said, "Well, it looks like you
really tied one on last night. Where were you?"

"I worked late, dear," he replied, meekly, "and went out for a couple of
beer."

"A couple of beer? That's a good one," she snapped. "You got plastered! Where
did you go?"

"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?" he asked.

"Well," she replied, "my first clue was when I got up this morning and saw all
the band-aids stuck to the mirror....."

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