The Dear Husband Letter

[imported_mann3r]

Dear Husband:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to
show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to
tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair
and
nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new
negligee.
You came homeand ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after
watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't
touch me or anything.

Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case
is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving
away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Your EX-Wife

Dear Ex-Wife

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true
that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman
is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to
drown
out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice
when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came
to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not
say anything if you can't say anything nice.

When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with
MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to
sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag
was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother
had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee
was $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it
out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million
dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica.

But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I
guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My
lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from
me.
So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was
born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

Signed Rich As Hell and Free!

[b4dark]

Lol nice one. The luckiest man in the joke world. The woman will be hating herself for a very long time, haha.