Some fun

[jain.peeyush]

Top Joke in Northern Ireland

A doctor says to his patient, 'I have bad news and worse news'. 'Oh dear,
what's the bad news?' asks the patient. The doctor replies, 'You only have
24 hours to live'. 'That's terrible', said the patient. 'How can the news
Possibly be worse?' The doctor replies, 'I've been trying to contact you
Since yesterday'.

Top Joke in Scotland

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in Terror like his passengers.

Top joke in UK

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the Ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the Bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just Insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off, go Ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.

Top joke in USA

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says:
"Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man. The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married for 35 years."

Top joke in Canada

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists Spent a decade and $12 million to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, Upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at Temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a Pencil.

[jain.peeyush]

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency Services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The Operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help.
First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

[jain.peeyush]

Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.
Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"
So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I smoke while I pray?"
But the Priest says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.
Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."
And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I pray while I smoke?"
To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means."

[jain.peeyush]

Law of queue: If you change queues, the one you have left
will start to move faster than the one you are in now. i swear, this is really true, everytime i move from one lane to another, i happen to be stuck more in the traffic.


Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you
never get an engaged one.VERY true.


Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated
with grease, ur nose will begin to itch.


Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to
the least accessible corner. ESP


Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for
work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a
flat tire. i gave excuse to sami, n next day i was really having flat tire.


Bath THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the
telephone rings.


LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you
know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen
with.Thank god my wife didnt see me with my new girl friend,hahahha!


LAW of the RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a
machine won't work, it will!


LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely
proportional to the reach.


THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from
the aisle arrive last.


LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot
coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until
the coffee is cold.